New Winslow S8E55
Andrew was torn between wanting to bring Noah out in Boston and staying right here in the flat with him all night. He knew it was impossible, but he did have a (somewhat guilty and yet again selfish, he knew that) fantasy that once he showed Noah around, then maybe he would come to love it here as much as Andrew did.
And for the first few blocks of the walk to the second best ramen shop Andrew had ever been to (the first having heartbrokenly closed down while Andrew was in New Winslow), Noah was looking around at the neighborhoods they passed through with keen interest. He asked Andrew questions about the architecture and the history of certain areas, questions that Andrew had no answer for and wished desperately that he did. But Noah didn’t seem to mind, instead just smiling at each “Wish I knew” that Andrew gave him in response.
But as things got crowded, Andrew could feel the tension that Noah was trying to suppress for his sake. After two years back in the quiet of New Winslow, Andrew could see everything through Noah’s eyes. It was Friday night and people were everywhere. College kids screamed to each other from two feet apart and Noah kept wincing at the sound. But the worst – and Andrew was furious with himself for not even thinking of this – was how visibly drunk so many of them were. They weren’t harming anyone. Most of the kids were just excited to be out for the first weekend of the semester. And even over a decade out of uni, Andrew usually appreciated the young energy whenever he was out at night. But by the time they reached the packed shop, Andrew could see Noah looked ready to crawl out of his skin.
“Takeout, I think,” Andrew said as they peered at the menu options hung on the wall outside. “It’s not a long walk back and I could use a night at home, if you don’t mind.”
Noah clearly saw straight through him, but didn’t call him out. Instead, he just nodded quickly and followed Andrew into the shop. Andrew tried to focus on the ambience and food options, and ignore the smell of stale beer that permeated the small space.
When they got back to the flat, Andrew thought he would want some privacy with Noah. But it was Cleo, after all, and things were shockingly comfortable as they relaxed in the living room. Liv didn’t have the Wi-Fi to video chat with them, so instead, she texted with Cleo and Cleo relayed all the messages. The takeout ramen bowls were stacked in a white plastic bag on the table beside Noah, and Andrew tried and failed not to melt when Noah handed him his order with a wink, far more at ease now that they were back inside.
“I missed you,” Noah said.
Then he looked around the living room. “This is a nice place.”
It was. Edie had only been gone a few days by this point, so a lot of their things were still there and they were a careful decorator. But Andrew was starting to rebuild his life out here and his room especially was feeling much more like his own. There were books stacked on the bedside table, more than half of them related to magic training. And right here on the living room side table were the remains of a small ritual he’d been trying to work out earlier in the week before his workload exploded.
He was rebuilding. But between that, the sigils over the doors, and the way Noah was smiling at him right now, Andrew reckoned the him that he’d become in New Winslow wasn’t going away anytime soon.
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They went to bed fairly early, turning in as Cleo went back to the movie she’d abandoned a while earlier. Andrew’s new bed was a standard length full, so trying to fit another person, especially someone six and a half feet tall, was a bit of a challenge. But eventually, they settled in with Andrew against the wall as Noah rested against him, somewhat awkwardly on his side, curled so his feet didn’t dangle off the bed too much.
Noah was pressed tightly against him and while the sex had been amazing, there’d been a desperation to it at times that had made Andrew want to hold onto Noah and keep him safe from everything. Most of the things he needed protecting from were coming from inside of him, Andrew knew that. But in this fantasy, Andrew would just fight those too.
“Talk to me,” he whispered, running his hand through Noah’s greying hair.
“It’s nothing,” Noah said. “It’s just been hard.”
Andrew knew he was back at AA meetings. If he wanted Noah to shut down the conversation completely, he could always ask about those. But in the little time they’d had together since Andrew got out, he’d seemed better. Though he wasn’t going to tell Andrew otherwise, at least not without Andrew asking.
“I know,” Andrew said, shifting awkwardly to kiss the top of Noah’s head. “But you’re strong. You’re the strongest person I know.”
“It’s been three and a half weeks,” Noah said.
“Hey, that’s great.”
He hoped that didn’t sound patronizing, but it truly was great. Especially after everything that had happened.
“I’m still seeing ghosts but they can’t get in, like they do for Liv. But I just can’t get over… my dad didn’t appear to me. He was there, he was so close. And now that Billy’s death is out of my head, that’s in there instead. And all I want to do every time I wake up is forget.”
Noah shook his head, but didn’t move to get up. “I’m sorry,” he said. “That’s exactly what you want to hear about when we’re in bed together.”
“I asked, didn’t I?” Andrew said.
“I know. But I don’t want to think about that right now.”
That was fair, these were his things to disclose and if he didn’t want to talk right now, it was his business. Noah’s hand moved over Andrew’s body and Andrew took a sharp breath as Noah leaned up to kiss him. Fine, he wouldn’t push. He’d just enjoy this time with Noah.
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