This was really the first time Noah had to be extremely careful about what he said at an AA meeting. Normally he could be pretty open. Of course there were things he didn’t talk about outside of New Winslow, mostly involving the curse. But lately it was such a big part of his life, and it was weird that he had to talk around it. So he was still most comfortable in meetings at the Congregational Church in New Winslow where everybody knew about it. 

But today he was at a meeting outside of town, over in Barre, and even though the curse was a bit of an open secret in the region, nobody was comfortable talking about it. At least, he always had to assume that, so he wasn’t going to go into any detail about the work they were doing. Instead, he was talking about that urge to drink recently while being very careful about the details surrounding it. 

“And it sucks because I want to be there for them through all this, and all I can think is that if I walk out that door, I’m going to break,” Noah said. “And they’re being so supportive, even as they’re kicking my ass. But-”

He blinked, looking beyond the tired older man across the circle from him. In the corner of the church basement, he could see Billy McBride watching him. The kid looked solid, but there was something about the way the light split around him that proved otherwise. Noah blinked again and shook his head, but Billy was still there.

“Noah?” the woman running the meeting prompted.

“Sorry,” he said, still looking at Billy. “Um, sorry, yeah. But I just wanted to be better at that moment.”

Billy stayed where he was through the rest of the meeting, watching Noah intently. At one point Noah glared at him, shaking his head. The man across from him looked back in alarm and Noah had to give him an apologetic wave as he tried his best not to look at Billy again.

Finally, the meeting was over and Noah walked out the door, going straight past Billy without a word. He knew Billy was going to find him anyway and sure enough, when he got to his truck, Billy was in the passenger seat.

“You can’t do that,” Noah snapped. “I was in the middle of something.”

“I just wanted to be at home,” Billy said.

“Well, you can go back to New Winslow,” Noah said. “It’s not like you’re attached to me, I shouldn’t even still be able to see you. But man, that’s private. Come on.”

“What was your meeting? Are you sick?”

“Absolutely none of your business, kid.”

“I want to be a doctor.”

“I know,” Noah said. “You scared the hell out of me and my own doctor with that.”

Billy looked confused and Noah thought maybe he’d been too gruff. Billy was a teenager after all and it wasn’t like Noah had been all too bright as a teen. “Alright, what do you need in order to go home? I’m going to the Countess from here and I hope you’re happy because that place gives me the fucking creeps. I know it’s your childhood home, but sorry, it just does.”

Billy looked sad enough that Noah felt bad about his little outburst. The afternoon sunlight streamed through the ghost as they drove, making him difficult to see. “The women who own it now said they found one thing in the archive that they’re certain was yours,” Noah said as the guilt finally got to him. “A book. We can bury it over where your house used to be. Would that work?”

Billy shrugged, looking out the window. “No, I don’t want to be alone there. I just want to be with my family.”

Noah’s yard it was, then. And also, how was Billy even sitting in his truck right now? Looking at him made Noah’s brain hurt even more than it already did. “I’ll ask Andrew to dig a hole then. It might have to be enough,” he said, then turn his focus to the road. “Because our options are limited.”

When he got to the Countess, Noah braced himself before walking in. Billy was gone now, maybe off to his usual haunts while Noah was doing this. It was a relief, especially since this would all be done soon. Billy would be put to rest and Noah would stop seeing all this creepy shit. How did Liv handle it? He’d known it was rough, but between Billy and all the unrelated things he now saw flitting around out of the corner of his eye, Noah had clearly underestimated her situation.

“Here it is,” the owner, Anna, said, handing Noah the small wrapped bundle she pulled out from under the front desk. “I found it in our archive after Iris called. He wrote his name in it and, judging by the publication date, must have bought it right before he set sail. Hopefully that’ll be enough to let the poor boy rest.”

Noah nodded, trying not to get distracted by the memories of this place. Both his own and Billy’s still tangled together in a messy, muddled way that made his stomach twist. “Thank you,” he said, trying not to let any of it show.

Billy didn’t appear as he drove home, keeping the windows down and trying not to keep glancing at the book on his passenger seat. When he pulled in to his driveway half an hour later, Andrew was waiting for him in the front yard.

“Did you get it?” he asked, standing up and walking toward the parked truck as Noah got out.

“Right here,” Noah said, sliding the book out of its protective bag.

He looked down at the colorful cover and laughed. “The Secret Adversary,” he read. “Agatha Christie. My dad loved her.”

“Have you ever read her?”

“Nah,” Noah said, a little regretfully. “Come on, is the hole dug? I can do it if-”

“It’s right out back.”

It felt ridiculous to bury a book in a grave in his backyard, but everything that was happening these days was ridiculous. So what was one more? “Billy,” Noah said, addressing the silence around them. “I hope this is enough to anchor you back home and let you rest. You’re a good kid and you don’t deserve what happened to you.”

He laid the book in the little grave Andrew had dug by the far corner of the yard, then took his shovel and began tossing the dirt down over it. “One down,” he said to Andrew a moment later as they smoothed it out. “Let’s head in and figure out what’s-”

Noah swallowed a curse as he turned to see Billy McBride standing in the yard, looking at him. “It’s done,” he said, motioning toward the little book grave. “See? The Christie is buried here in New Winslow. You can go on now.”

Billy shook his head, looking down at the upturned soil. “No, I’m scared.”

Andrew glanced at Noah, clearly not needing an explanation for what was happening. Noah shook his head. “It’s fine,” he said, trying to stay gentle and remind himself this was still a scared teenager who’d been through something horrible. “You can go. It’s been a long time, your parents are there waiting, alright?”

“I don’t know how to find them. I don’t want to be alone.”

The kid had to go before he became like his buddy. He hadn’t said the book wasn’t enough, so it was hopefully just fear holding him here now. He needed guidance, which was something Noah was wholly unqualified to give.

Then the solution came to Noah like a gut punch. “I have an idea,” he said to Billy. “Come on.”

—–

It had taken a little time to convince Andrew that Noah was fine to go alone. He couldn’t blame Andrew for his concern. Noah knew his behavior lately had been pretty erratic, bordering on self-destructive. But this just felt like something they needed to do alone, so after a little convincing and a promise he’d come right back after, Noah was getting out of his truck at the New Winslow town cemetery with Billy at his elbow.

“Come on,” he said, making his way through the familiar path of graves under the cloudy sky. 

Samuel’s earlier rampage had left its mark down here. The cracked headstones poked up from the ground like broken teeth and Noah was weirdly reminded of the gap in his own mouth that he’d never taken care of. His dad would never have allowed that to happen if he was alive and now, standing in front of his intact grave, Noah almost felt like he was going to get in trouble for it.

“Listen,” he said to Billy, who was looking at the headstone. “I know he’s not your blood relative. But he’s my father and I love him more than I can say. Whatever’s on the other side, he’s already over there, so I’m sure he can find a way to help. And he’s not leaving New Winslow, he chose to live here and wanted to be buried in town. So if you’re scared to go, go with him, okay?”

Billy looked uneasy, and Noah started to think maybe this wasn’t going to work. He didn’t know much about ghosts, Andrew had told him some things about different planes and connections that made his head spin. But then, just as he was wondering if he should go back and dig up the book, Billy’s face lit up. He looked heartbreakingly young as he gazed at something Noah couldn’t see, no matter what doors he desperately threw open in his mind.

Billy turned to Noah, and he saw those eyes he’d inherited glowing with gratitude. “Thank you,” Billy said.

“Is he there?” Noah demanded, trembling. “Billy, is he there?”

Billy didn’t answer. He just took a step forward and was gone, leaving Noah alone in the cemetery.

Noah stayed where he was, trying his best not to vomit on his father’s headstone as he looked around frantically, like maybe he’d come back. But there was nothing here with him as he sat down, still shaking, with his back against the stone, waiting without much hope. And as the sun eventually began to set, he had to accept that nothing was coming for him.

Noah was done. He needed to get back home. Andrew was waiting for him. He’d go home, convince Andrew he was fine, then go alone into his apartment and drink whiskey until he forgot every single detail of what had happened here. 

Satisfied with this plan, Noah got up, dusted off his jeans, and got back in his truck.

——–

CONTINUE TO EPISODE 38

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