New Winslow S8E26
This shift had been excruciating, even if Noah had spent most of it driving delivery. The upside was that it meant he didn’t have to worry about the humiliation of being in the House of Pizza with Charlie and Celine after blowing it so badly the other night. But it did mean hours alone with his thoughts as he drove through the woods, marking scene after scene of his own failure. By the time he pulled up with five minutes to go until the end of his shift, Noah was a wreck. He took a long moment to stare blankly at his dashboard, then summoned up his energy and got out of the truck.
“You can head out, chief,” Charlie said as Noah walked in the front door. “There’s no deliveries on the board and you’re out in five.”
“Thanks.”
“Hey, you good?”
Shit, why did Charlie have to look so concerned? He made Noah feel so old, but so useless. And it wasn’t his fault, so Noah had no right to be so irritated right now. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he said, the lie so obvious he wanted to keep explaining.
“Get some rest.”
Not likely, but Noah nodded his thanks anyway as he made his way back out the door, absently shaking the ache out of a wrist that was supposed to be fixed. He was just going to go home. He wasn’t going to think about stopping at that little liquor store again or wrapping his truck around a tree. He’d go home, shower, keep trying to solve the curse, and hopefully sleep beside Andrew all night before starting the whole thing over again.
God, he wanted a drink so bad. Maybe Andrew was home now and he would put up with Noah’s mood for a little while so he didn’t have to be alone with it.
“Noah!”
God dammit, who was calling him now? Noah looked up to see Isabel Rivera standing there, closing up the back of her big box truck. She grinned at him, then hopped down. “I didn’t know you worked here.”
“Yeah.”
“How are you doing? I haven’t seen you since…” She faltered, like mentioning the Limerick might be rude.
“Since my shop burned down?” he finished, then winced at what an asshole he was being. “Shit, sorry,” he said quickly. “No, it’s fine. I’ve worked here for a little while, the Becketts have been really good to me.”
Roman was going to be blowing up his phone if Noah didn’t get in touch tonight. The meeting had been fine the other day, he hadn’t pushed Noah to speak or do anything other than just sit beside him with his terrible coffee. And when they’d gotten back to the diner to get Noah’s truck, Roman had actually hugged him before he left.
And of course, Roman couldn’t be here at the shop today. But Celine had been kind. She always was, especially when she had literally stitched his soul back together. And here he was repaying their kindness over the past few years – not to mention what they did for Liv, which he could never repay them for, period – by missing work.
“I’m alright,” he said, trying to smile and aware it probably looked sickly. “Just trying to move on, you know? Break the curse and move on.”
Isabel studied him for a second and Noah considered just getting in his truck and driving away without another word. “Are you talking real curses or metaphorical curses?”
Shit, she sounded like his dad when he’d talked about the New Winslow curse. And now he had to laugh. “Good question,” Noah said, blinking hard and looking around the empty street in the late afternoon sunlight.
“What are you up to from here?”
“Going to see if Andrew is home,” he said without thinking.
As he said it he remembered that no, Andrew was not home. He was working and Noah was about to go home to an empty apartment. “Wait, nevermind,” he corrected. “Um, nothing, I guess.”
“I’m done with my deliveries,” Isabel said. “Want to get a coffee?”
For a second, he thought she’d been about to ask if he wanted to get a drink, and there was no way he was going to be able to resist it. And when she turned red and looked horrified, for a second he thought she actually had. And he’d gotten that look before from Liv’s last love interest, because everything always repeated itself in this town.
“I’m so sorry,” Isabel said quickly. “I feel like a jerk, your coffee shop just-”
Noah laughed, shaking his head. “No,” he said quickly, “No, it’s fine. Um, I’d love to get some coffee. The general store is up here.”
He was still exhausted and angry at himself, but this felt like a much better plan already. A cup of coffee with another person was what might save him from the temptation if he were to go home alone right now.
The general store was full when they got there, but nobody said a word to Noah. He led the way over to the coffee carafes, filled one with whatever coffee happened to be the closest, then ignored the sugar packets scattered on the counter. Andrew would be using fourteen of those if he was here right now. So gross.
Tara Stevenson was at the register. While he’d rather avoid anyone, she was by far the better choice here. Nancy’s accusations still rang in his ears as he stood in line, knowing in reality people weren’t whispering about him. But he knew too many people here knew some half-assed version of what had happened. And they’d all seen him staggering around drunk last year, making it that much easier to believe.
“Hi, sweetheart.”
Noah hadn’t even realized he’d reached the front of the line. Mrs. Stevenson was smiling gently at him and it made him want to hide. “Hi Mrs. Stevenson,” he said softly, putting his cash into her hand.
She looked at him with that same smile, then shook her head. “How are you?” she asked.
One more variation on that question from breaking down, he thought. “Fine.”
Like everyone else, Mrs. Stevenson obviously didn’t believe him. But she didn’t question him any further, just slid a molasses cookie across the counter along with his change.
Isabel had stopped for a sandwich since she hadn’t had lunch yet, so Noah waited for her outside the store. It was beautiful outside today, hot but not too humid. And the breeze was perfect as he stood on the sidewalk. They’d walked up the street to get here from the House of Pizza, where both trucks were still parked. From here, he could see the turn in the road that would lead to the burnt-out shell of the Limerick building, Andrew’s charred bed with his beloved baby quilt, and the little patch of land Andrew would probably have to sell in order to get his investment back. And their attempt at building something real, something solid, Liv’s goddamn dream, was over. Just like that.
But Andrew hadn’t been in that bed when it was destroyed. He’d escaped and Noah had to remember that. And now he just wanted to start running until he reached Forest Charms, to see that Andrew was still alive. He wouldn’t have to run far, he could almost see it from here.
God, he needed a night of uninterrupted sleep. And a shot of whiskey.
The wooden door of the general store squeaked open and Isabel walked out, carrying a small brown bag with her cup of coffee. “Thanks for waiting,” she said. “I skipped breakfast and I’ve been kind of snacking on candy all day. Come on, want to go sit in the common? I’ve passed it so many times but never actually gone inside.”
Noah had spent so much of his life on that common. When he was a baby, his parents would take walks down here and let him run around in the grass. Later, Erin had occasionally let him tag along when she went downtown to hang out with her friends. He’d spent countless evenings down here with his own friends in middle and high school, hanging out with Liv and Cleo, then later Andrew, on the massive stone flower pots and old wooden benches. And then as an adult, pushing Mia’s stroller and walking around with Liv.
And then stumbling drunk down the cobblestones, the Christmas crowds spinning around him. Cleo’s voice nearby after Noah told Andrew he broke his heart. Cleo and Roman basically carrying him home.
Noah hadn’t actually been back inside the town common since then and he hadn’t realized how much he missed that little patch of land. But God, he needed company right now, and he wasn’t sure he’d make it if he said no and started back to his truck.
“Can I be honest with you?” Isabel asked as they approached the path into the common.
“Sure, yeah.”
“You look like you’re about to puke. Are you okay? For real, I mean.”
“I’m just stressed,” he mostly lied, yet again.
She didn’t believe him, no one did. But as they sat down on the bench, it was warm here and he wasn’t alone. “So how’s your business?” he asked, as though he was a normal human capable of conversation.
“Good,” Isabel said, unwrapping her sandwich. “I have a new client out in Millers Falls, so that’s most of my day tomorrow. But since Keegan’s closed, I’ll take it.”
“Wait, what?”
Noah spun around to look at her. “Yeah, did you not see it?” Isabel asked. “I don’t know the details, but they’ve been trying to sell, and I heard they finally just closed up the other afternoon. No notice, no farewells or whatever. Just closed the doors.”
“The only reason that place stayed open as long as it did was because of Liv,” Noah muttered.
“That’s the impression I’m getting everywhere,” Isabel said with a laugh, tucking a short lock of hair behind her ear from where it escaped her baseball cap. “But they didn’t cancel their automated order, so I’ll be fighting the bank on that one. I don’t care about giving the refund since nothing was delivered, but the fees? I’m not fucking paying them.”
Keegan’s was gone now too. It was like the whole town was collapsing around them. “They were terrible to Liv,” Noah said, the shame caught in his throat. “I was too. When I left.”
She glanced at him. “Yeah?”
“Liv deserves so much better than she gets.”
“You really love her, don’t you?”
Noah nodded into his coffee, then remembered who he was talking to. World’s worst fucking wingman. He used to be so good at this. “No, I mean, not like that,” he said quickly. “We’re not a thing or anything. We’ve never been- she’s basically my sister.”
Saved it. “And she’s single,” he added for good measure.
Isabel glanced at him and for a second, he felt like a kid again. “Yeah?” she asked, one eyebrow raised in what was definitely interest.
“Yeah.”
He winked, knowing full well how mad Liv was going to be at him for this. But it benefitted her, it could make her happy, and it was a lot better than all the other ways he made her mad these days. Isabel would be so good for Liv if he could convince her to just try.
“I miss seeing her,” Isabel said with a smile, looking around at the heavy trees around them. “I know you guys were only open a few months, but I looked forward to seeing her in the mornings.”
“Don’t tell her I told you, but she did too.”
The shaking inside him was easing more now. It felt nice to be out here on the common with a cup of coffee, just like he had in his twenties. The common in New Winslow hadn’t changed, he’d just avoided it. This had always been home. And now there was a breeze that was almost a little too cool and Isabel really was good company. And it beat sitting alone in his empty apartment, trying not to drink.
“So you worked at Keegan’s too?” Isabel asked.
“Yeah, I was the bartender.”
“Is that how you and Olivia met?”
“Nah, we’ve been close since we were kids,” Noah said, crossing his legs out in front of him. “She needed a bartender, I applied. And we worked together for years until I fucked it up for both of us.”
“Oh yeah?”
Isabel didn’t look uncomfortable, which was weird because Noah was being a morose bastard right now. But instead, she was just looking at him with an eyebrow slightly raised again. There was enough compassion in her expression to make him want to shut up forever, but not enough to seem unreal. If anything, she was looking at him the way Jude had when he’d spilled his guts that first night together.
Noah was nearly certain that things weren’t going to go the same way they had with Jude that night, not right here in the park and certainly not with someone Liv was interested in. But the feeling was there. And if Isabel thought less of him, then at least she’d see the good in Liv.
“I’m an alcoholic,” he admitted, not bothering to look around and see if anyone was close enough to hear. “And I got really drunk all the time, I was shitty to Liv, and I quit Keegan’s without telling her. And she forgave me.”
He coughed to cover up the tightness in his throat. “She’s, um, she’s the best.”
Isabel nodded, clearly not sure what to say. But she was still here. So he might as well continue to be honest. “I really needed company right now,” he said. “So thanks. For hanging out.”
“Of course,” she said. “Damn, I’m glad I didn’t ask you to go get a drink, the coffee thing was embarrassing enough.”
Noah snorted, almost choking on his coffee. They were quiet for a few minutes after that as he traced the movement of this one particularly puffy cloud across the sky.
“I told Olivia already,” Isabel said. “But if there’s anything I can do to help, with the store rebuilding or any of the things going on around here that she insists she doesn’t want me to be part of, I’m here. She kept saying I wouldn’t believe her, but I already know this place is weird.”
“Thanks,” Noah said softly, still watching the cloud. It was strangely beautiful up there against the vastness of the sky.
———–
Olivia was home when Noah arrived a little while later. Her front door was open and he could see a few bags of groceries set down in the living room in a little trail leading toward her kitchen.
“Hey, Liv,” he said.
She popped her head around the corner from the kitchen doorway. “Hey, come on in.”
Mia was blinking sleepily on the couch as Noah walked in, so he stopped and tucked a blanket around her before scooping up the trail of bags and making his way into the kitchen. Liv was putting groceries away with a jazz station playing quietly on the radio as she did so. Noah set down the groceries, then went straight for a bag full of fruit and began pulling them out. “So I just saw Isabel Rivera,” he said, moving two containers of strawberries into the fridge.
There were two nearly empty bottles of juice in there, apple and strawberry. He’d grab a couple more next time he was at the store and sneak them in when she wasn’t looking.
“Oh?”
She tried so hard to sound casual, but he could see right through it. “You should go for it,” he said. “She’s interested.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I just spent half an hour having coffee with her.”
“Ah.”
“Liv.”
Noah put a small bunch of bananas in their usual place on the counter. “Seriously,” he insisted. “It’d be good for you.”
“It’s too much,” Olivia said, “It’s all too much. And I’m not… I’m not sure if this is the right time.”
Normally he’d push a bit more, tease her. She’d make some comment right back at him. But from the way her shoulders slumped and from the weight he felt in his own chest, neither of them were going to do their usual dance here.
“I get it,” he said, putting some apples on the counter. “But I don’t think she’s going anywhere. And she said again, she wants to help however she can.”
“She told me that too.”
“Because she likes you. She like likes you.”
Olivia smiled and shook her head. Noah gave her arm a light squeeze. “If you want her to get you off in that truck, I’m sure she’d be willing.”
Liv looked like she was considering it for a moment. “Is it refrigerated?” she asked.
“Nah, seems like a standard truck.”
“I’m not picky. But air conditioning would be nice. It’s been really hot.”
He was caught off guard by his own laugh as he moved back over to the groceries.
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